Category: Giving Scars Voice

“They are gorgeous. My biggest concern was if I had gotten the wrong ethnicity”

. . . Not counting the evolution of my nipples through the birth and feeding of 5 children – while we are on the subject, let’s talk about the stages of my nipples (with pictures) through the aftermath of my second breast cancer diagnosis at the age of 41. (I was 24 the first time)

• Natural Nipples – Fall 2021 (so glad I took these pics – take naked pics, folks)
• No Nipples – 100% 55378008 (upside down) Jan 2022
• Breast shape built with “stacked flaps” DIEP and PAP flaps – but no nipples – Surgery Aug 2022
• Prosthetic – glue on nipples
• Nipple reconstruction with tissue grafted from my parineal area (my vagina)
• One of my two grafted nipples failed. (But my favorite “nipple” was the one that failed because it was nice scar tissue that made a cute mosquito bite through my t-shirt
• Medical tattooing of 3-D areolas in Germany. We moved before I could go back for a touch-up to make them darker – Spring 2025
• Tattoos all but disappeared when I sunbathed in my back yard.
• (Note, I also had filler put into my nipples at the MedSpa. I love my nipples poking through my shirt)
• New nipple tattos, Las Vegas, Nevada. They are gorgeous. My biggest concern was if I had gotten the wrong ethnicity. Summer 2026

They are hot! After 4 days with my new nipples post-tegaderm removal, I can happily say that my nipples outshine my scars. They look 3-D from far away, and even my own close-up view.

What a long and terrible journey since Late 2021 to today, Mid-Summer 2026. This last picture was immediately at the end of my tattoo session, so my skin is a little angry. It’ll be a few weeks before the final results of healing, but I’m excited to show these girls off here and in my exclusive albums. This is my journey. It’s hard to look at these older pictures. My body remembers the trauma, but I am amazed at what can be done surgically done with a terrible situation such as cancer.

Was it worth all the pain and healing and expense. I can’t say that. It was hell. I could not in good conscience recommend someone else walk this reconstructive path. I mean, look at that confidence and power when I was completely flat. There was an incredible freedom that came with the loss of my breasts. But there were many trials as well. In the end I chose the path of reconstruction.

While I can’t recommend the surgical path to where I am, I am definitely enjoying reclaiming the sensuality I never knew how to enjoy until now. Sexual repression through modesty culture, scrupulosity, religious shame had my sensuality in a strangle hold right up to my second breast cancer diagnosis at the age of 41. In the last 4 years I have felt more sexually alive than ever. There are many stories to tell, but for now – Check out these new nipple tattoos!

I’ve been popping my stitches to update you on my recovery from melanoma, my third cancer diagnosis. I know, it’s not a competition!

But it is war, in a sense. I told my mom the other day, when she asked me how I was doing (how I was ACTUALLY doing):

“As far as the skin cancer goes, it can feel heavy. Not necessarily scary anymore, but heavy and lonely. I feel all kinds of love, but the loneliness comes from feeling like I’m constantly dodging deadly bullets, not knowing where to anticipate the next barrage, with no one around me who really “gets it” through similar experiences. I feel more and more outside the norm and that, however I cope with it, I won’t be understood.”

That was just a few days before my 6mm mole needed clean margins, which turned into a 4-inch incision across my upper back.

Like a toddler looks to their parents to know if their little fall in the dirt was a big deal or not a big deal, I kept looking around me for social queues telling me it was a huge deal. It was surprisingly quiet, so I picked myself up and carried on.

However, when the tiny mole biopsy turned into a significant loss of flesh, natural consequences told me that it was a big deal and it was okay to cry.

I haven’t cried much over this. In the Dune: Prophecy series, Season 1, Episode 6 Valya Harkonnen is trapped in her own worst memories and fears and to break free and survive she must allow her fear to overcome her, channeling the Bene Gesserit litany:

“I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.”

There was a powerful scene of Valya in this sandstorm, which, when I saw it I did not cry – out of finally being understood, though I maybe would have at a different phase of my menstrual cycle. I simply recognized, “Yep, that’s what it is like.”

Welp, I just found these images and may have got a little misty-eyed watching it again.

The truth and reality are, I am, indeed, popping my stitches. I leaned down to tie my shoes yesterday and felt my internal stitches break loose, like a pair of faux leather pants that fit too tight when you bend over. I froze and called for James to help. To come see what it looked like.

The final truth bomb that I’ve recently discovered and accepted is I am not dodging cancer bullets.

Every one of them have hit their mark and taken a pound of flesh.

I am not dodging cancer bullets. They hit. They hurt.

They just didn’t kill me.

So, I live to play another day.

I went to the beach and was brave.