Too long I have used up my best energy
Maintaining the status quo
Instead of letting my creativity breathe
How many times
Have the conception of powerful songs
Been subverted by
A room in disarray, or a strict adherence to –
Something lame
Why is my stillness
A signal that I am available
It is my own fault
I trained them to respect some boundaries
And they do
One must not tread upon a time of
Prayer or Meditation
One must not tread upon a good song
Until it is over
I must add one more Thou Shalt
Thou shalt not only protect
a song’s fade-out
Thou shalt also protect a song
Yet to be born
My new spell is not unlike
the protective words
I wrote on the door to the room
Where my last child was born
This is a sacred space
I am giving my all to
create a masterpiece
I cannot control when this process will end
But until then,
If you must
Enter with hushed voices
And supportive language
While I focus
Focus
Focus
Breathe
Begin
Author: MarthaJane
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Too Long
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This Body
A playground
My babe’s first jungle gym
Inside
Outside
Curled tippy toes climb my belly
And jump, oooph
Suckle my tit and pick at my moles
Bite and smile when I startle
My milk dripping down his cheek
To his ear
To my waistband
A playground
I share with my lover
Chasing, sliding, climbing
Inside and outside
Curled toes and tracing my curves
My belly, my breasts
My luscious ass
Bite and smile when I startle
My lips tease his gooseflesh
His ear
His lips
His hands
Move
To my waistband
A playground
Dizzy, I dance
Bass vibrates my bones to my soul
I suckle on savory and drink the sweet
Trained fingers pluck melody from string and sinews
I make my own music
I recognize myself in the mirror
And in the melody
This body
My body
My playground -
The 40 Year-old Virgin
So I’m not a virgin, but I would like to announce that I finally, at the age of 45, have secured an actual job that pays me money for the work I do, in the field of my chosen profession.
After a lifetime of giving my time and talents to the betterment of humanity and to the blessing of my family and neighbor, a special little rage inside me insists that my time is worth compensation. I imagine that sounds silly to anyone who has been gainfully employed or supported themselves financially.
Maybe I’m not alone. Who else has waited through child-rearing years and/or spouse career changes and growth for the chance to test their own metal? Would I be received in the world I was taught was only for men? Some may recoil and defend The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as having never taught that. But inside my bones I judged my mom for working outside the home. Church taught me that the man was to provide and the woman was to nurture and raise the children. A woman was only church-sanctioned to enter the workforce if she needed to provide for her family because of her husband’s death or health limitations, or in the face of divorce (which must only come in cases of abuse.) My dad was alive and he wasn’t abusive.
I was taught to love motherhood, and I came by it quite honestly. My whole body adores the little people I had the privilege to grow and raise. But as a human, I want to play the game that I was told was only for boys.
So here I am, 45, mother of 5, devoted military spouse for 20 years, loving lover to my friend and husband, James, FINALLY getting my chance.
When I made this announcement to my parents my mom asked if I would have time for school too. Yes. Then she asked if I would have time to “mom.” Yes. Though this is a valid question, I was hit with guilt that is specially pointed at women, and never asked of grown men getting a part-time job. As a grown-ass 45 year-old woman I’m still fighting repressive and damaging belief systems. They sound so beautiful when taught at church, but are corrosive to my confidence and power.
I feel happy, excited, embarrassed at my excitement, angry at the false belief systems that still influence my mom-guilt… but mostly I feel grateful that my family supports this shift in me. I feel giddy at the circumstances and good people who have helped me find a foothold in Las Vegas.
More and more I feel connected to humanity. Community. I have been hungry for a team to help me create and I am finding that tribe. It is satisfying after so many decades of ache, watching from the outside.
I’m starting my training as a Production Assistant at the premier recording studio in Las Vegas, The Hideout.
(insert happy dance and squeals)
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I Looked Up Sex In The Encyclopedia
The first time I remember getting turned on
Am I happy? 
I’m happy I just started typing again.
